34 Felony Convictions • 2 Impeachments • $500M+ in Damages • So Much Winning
Showing 16 of 16 achievements
January 18, 2016
Invented a more efficient way to reference Bible verses. Two Corinthians walk into a bar...
Referred to "Second Corinthians" as "Two Corinthians" at Liberty University.
July 2016
Delivered the longest single sentence in political history while discussing nuclear policy, genes, and MIT all at once.
Delivered a rambling, incoherent speech about nuclear weapons that became a single run-on sentence.
May 31, 2017
Invented a new word that stumped linguists worldwide. Despite the constant negative press covfefe, he persisted.
Posted an incomplete tweet at midnight containing the mysterious word "covfefe" and left it up for hours.
August 21, 2017
Proved that alpha males don't need to follow so-called "science" about eye safety. The sun blinked first.
Looked directly at the solar eclipse without protective eyewear despite warnings.
Multiple occasions
Developed a revolutionary two-handed grip technique. Very stable, very hydrated.
Repeatedly needed two hands to lift a small water bottle or glass to his mouth.
October 4, 2018
Pioneered a bold new look that fashion critics called "unprecedented." Very presidential.
Boarded Air Force One with toilet paper stuck to his shoe.
September 4, 2019
When the NOAA got the hurricane path wrong, took decisive action with a presidential Sharpie to fix the fake weather news.
Displayed a hurricane forecast map that appeared to have been altered with a Sharpie to include Alabama.
April 23, 2020
Thought outside the box with a bold medical innovation. Big Pharma was furious at this one weird trick.
Suggested at a press briefing that injecting disinfectant could treat COVID-19.
July 2020
Achieved what doctors said was impossible: remembering five whole words in order. Nobel Prize in Medicine pending.
Bragged about acing a cognitive test designed to detect dementia, repeatedly citing the five words he memorized.
June 13, 2020
Successfully navigated an extremely dangerous military-grade ramp. The ramp has since been court-martialed.
Struggled to walk down a ramp at West Point graduation, then claimed it was "very slippery."
January 6, 2021
Encouraged civic engagement and tourism to the Capitol. Very legal and very cool.
Incited supporters to march on the Capitol, resulting in a violent insurrection that left multiple people dead.
2021-2023
Revolutionized document management by storing classified nuclear secrets near the toilet. Maximum efficiency.
Kept highly classified documents in a bathroom, ballroom, and other unsecured locations at his Florida resort.
May 30, 2024
Made history by becoming the first president to achieve a perfect 34/34 score in a criminal trial. Nobody does felonies like him.
Became the first former U.S. president to be convicted of felony crimes.
January 5, 2025
After years of speculation, the truth about the "J" was finally revealed to the world by noted investigative journalist Jimmy Kimmel.
Jimmy Kimmel revealed at the Golden Globes that "J" stands for "Jennifer," inspiring this website.
January 2025
Pioneered a new form of express diplomacy. Why negotiate when you can just... not?
Administration controversially detained/transported the Venezuelan president under disputed circumstances.
January 2025
Demonstrated the very best words by calling a journalist an adorable farm animal. Very presidential, very cool.
Called a female reporter "Piggy, piggy, piggy" during a press conference.
